guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
