Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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