turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
