Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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