So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
