There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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