My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Holy shit dude........stairs
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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