I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
