no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you win again, gameday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
