We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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