i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
