Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
