He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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