Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
