I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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