There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I love you. Go after that dick
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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