I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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