i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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