i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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