I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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