I just saw a hot homeless man
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
