Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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