If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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