the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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