is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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