i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
