I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
