he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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