Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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