Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
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Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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