....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
