I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
