He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
