tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
