Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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