Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
