you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
