GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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