I think i peed on brittanys purse
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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