I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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