The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
