I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
