i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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