I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
