Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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