a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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