I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I haven't been this sober since birth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize