My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
