actually, I'm a sock model
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
