Got a toothbrush?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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