would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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