Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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