He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
