hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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