theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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