I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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