Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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