i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
