She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I still have a little drunk in my system
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
