if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you had me at cake vodka
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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