Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize